Slow Fade
by switchpoint 101
Summary: These days the team is slowly drifting apart. People are convinced that Ryan with holding the casing on a case has started it. Little do they know that Ryan will do something so drastic that people may never live it down.Warning,deals w/a sensitive matter
1. Chapter 1

The tension in the lab was undeniably thick the minute you got out of the elevator. There was no denying how far the team seem to be splitting up.

Ryan Wolfe decided that he should ask some of his friends to go out for drinks after the shift. So,he decided Eric would be his first try.

"Hey Eric,"said Ryan walking in to QD.

"Hey man,"said Eric not wanting to spill the beans to much. After they found out Ryan held onto the casing(when he was kidnapped) he lost a lot of trust in him.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a beer after work tonight,"he asked placing his hands on the glass table.

"I already got plans,sorry man,maybe some other time,"replied Eric. He wasn't lying,but he wasn't telling the truth.

He did have plans but that consisted of going home,eating supper,taking a shower,and going to bed.

"That's cool,have fun,"said Ryan walking out the door in pursuit of Calleigh.

Of course,he found her where he expected,in ballistics. He opened the door and she spun around,kinda startled.

"Oh Ryan,you scared me,"said Calleigh with that bid old smile on her face.

"Sorry 'bout that,do you wanna hang out after work tonight,"he asked.

She was not expecting this and so she bit her bottom lip trying to think of an excuse.

"Sorry,can't,dog died."

"I didn't know you had a dog,"he responded.

"She was a yorkie and she stayed at my mom's house."

"I thought your mom lived in Kentucky,"he said with his arms folded across his chest. What did people think he was..stupid.

"She did,then she moved down here,she couldn't stand being far from me,"said Calleigh thinking of the rest of the story.

"Why don't you let me visit her then,we get along great,"

"She doesn't like company,now,if you'll excuse me,I have to get these results to Horatio,"she said walking out the door.

I guess they do think I'm stupid he thought.

He went into DNA and was glad he found Natalia.

"Hey Natalia,how are you,"he asked walking through the door.

"Oh hey Ryan,I'm fine,there's just a lot of DNA to process,"she responded only looking up once to see who came in.

"Do you think you wanna hang out tonight?"

"Um,Ryan,I'm kinda busy tonight,plus,I really don't feel like going out anywhere tonight."

"Alright,see ya,"and with that he left the room. He really didn't want to ask Horatio,but he needed to go to the locker room to get his phone that he realized he left in his locker.

AS he was about to turn the corner seeing that the door was already open,he heard voices talking.

"I don't trust him Calleigh,ever since he held that casing for the day,my trust in him kinda went down. Okay,a lot went down,"said Eric leaning against a locker.

"Well,I'm supposed to go to an imaginary dog funeral for a yorkie who lived at my mom's fake house in Miami,"said Calleigh her back to the entry way.

"He's tearing this team apart,"he said.

"Eric,that was uncalled for. People may be disconnected more,but you can't blame that on him. It's been a slow fade."

Eric sighed and said "When Speed was here nobody was disconnected. We were a close knit family,no look at us."

"Eric,don't blame it all on him. He had nothing to do with." Then Eric interrupted her. "Calleigh,shut up and listen,all this bad stuff started happening when he came on board. For example,he got shot in the eye,I got shot in the head,Alexx left,and much more,you wanna know why,because he's caused all of this."

Ryan had enough he turned and left in a hurry and left for the back of the building.

When he reached the back,he just stood there and though about what they said,I guess I really did cause all of this he thought.

He looked down at his badge and knew what he should do.


	2. Chapter 2

He was glad the day was over. He went into the locker room to get his things and he thought he should give his decision some more thought before calling Horatio. While he was driving home he passed Olive Garden and saw Eric,Calleigh,Natalia,Horatio,Frank,and Alexx.

He was stopped at a red light right in fron of the resturant. He couldn't have saw them. Yet there they were walking up to the resturant laughing and smiling. Before he knew it the light was green. He made his mind up there that he was going to do his decision.

**AT OLIVE GARDEN**

The team (not including Ryan) sat outside. They were all talking and laughing when Alexx spoke up.

"Where's my baby boy Ryan at,"she asked. Immediatley the table grew silent until Eric spoke up and said"He's unable to attend tonight."

Alexx let that slide,but she knew something was up. She could feel it in her gut. For the rest of the two hours they spent there. Alexx could not enjoy it as good as the others. She had to figure out why he was "unable" to attend and why everybody grew silent when she brought it up. After they left she had to go check on her Ryan,she had to.

**Ryan's House**

He couldn't believe them. They totally blew him off. He's been hurt alot in his life but for some reason this hurt the most. Maybe because these people if he could even call them that he thought were his friends. "Mph."

He knew he needed to act now if he was going to do it. Deep done he hoped somebody would actually show up who actually cared about him. Well,here goes nothin he thought.

He walked into his kitchen and kept staring at this knife. It was really sharp,it could do anything. He heard a little voice telling him he should do it and after several minutes of fighting in his head he gave in to the voice.

Every time he stepped closer to the knife,he got nervous. He has never done this before,this would be his first time,and probably...his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. He glared at the knife the heard another knock.

It took all of his willpower to go to the door. When he opened it,it was the last person he expected,Alexx.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Alexx,what are you doing here,"he asked looking her straight in the eye.

"May I come in?" Ryan just got out of the way and shut the door behind her. She took her place on his black leather sofa that you could tell was brand new.

"So what you want. I mean,people don't just come to a person's house at ten 'o clock at night,"he stated getting right to the point.

"I wanna know why you were "unable" as Eric said it to attend,"she asked.

"Hmp,unable,that's funny. Try was not invited to come along,"he said with a hint of anger in his voice.

"I told Horatio I wanted everyone from the team to be said he told everyone on the team."

Ryan took that all in. If Alexx had told H to tell the whole team,and he said he did,then I guess I'm not part of the team he thought.

When Ryan looked up Alexx could see that his eyes were filled. She knew that those tears would fall very shortly.

"Alexx,please go,"he said looking at her. The tears began to fall.

"Baby,you need to let it out,it's okay,"she said.

"Go,I said go,now." Alexx could hear the anger in his voice starting to rise and she knew she better get out.

"Alright,I'm leaving,but if you need anything,don't hesitate to call,"and with that was gone. When the door shut he began crying hysterically. He was so angry he threw a lamp.

Alexx was standing outside the door. Her heart was breaking. She couldn't believe that this so called "team" was tearing him apart.

**Next Morning At the Lab**

"So how was your dog's funeral,"asked Ryan talking to Calleigh in the locker room.

"Sad,"was all she could say.

"You sure looked sad at Olive Garden. I didn't know you could have dog funerals there,"he responded.

"What are you talking about,"Calleigh said with a smile on her face.

"You guys must really think I'm stupid if you thought I was going to believe that. I saw everything Cal,everything...and everybody." With that he left the locker room.

This is not good. This is not good at all she thought. She got out her phone and called Eric,Natalia,Horatio,and Frank that Ryan knows.

Horatio had just gotten Calliegh's phone call when he saw Ryan walking toward him. Before he gave the younger man a chance to say anything,he said,"Mr. Wolfe,I want you to go home for the rest of the day. We can mange without you here."

Ryan could feel his anger rising so he decided to do the smart thing and leave. He couldn't believe his own boss would do that to him. what a team they are he thought.

When he finally reached home,he decided he was going to do what he planned on doing last night before Alexx interrupted him. But now he's glad she did,he finally knows he's doing the right thing.

He grabbed the knife,looked at it,then as he raised it,he realized he was crying. He shook his head,grabbed the knife and cut. He opened his eyes that were shut and looked down at his arm. Blood was starting to come out from the wound.

Yes he thought,yes. He kept on cutting himself for thirty more minutes. When he was done,his arm had cuts all over the place. Some on top of others and blood was everywhere. He went and cleaned his arm off,when he did,he couldn't help but smile. He finally was able to express his emotions.

He had to admit though,after about five minutes the cuts were hurting,but hey,it was well worth it. He was sitting on the couch when he realized he needed to do the other arm so they could "match"

By 8 'o clock he had both his arms, stomach covered with cuts. Least tomorrow was the weekend so he could have two full days of cutting. This was going to be fun. After he took a shower he got out and stood in the bathroom looking at his reflection in the mirror.

After he was done looking at his body,he put on some boxer shorts and went to sleep. Over the weekend he added a lot more cuts to his body. When he went back to work he took his knife with him. He had to cut,he just had to.

He walked into the locker room and found Calleigh,Eric,and Natalia talking about him. He went to his till broken locker with out a name tag and put his things up. He felt the need to cut,so he grabbed his knife,put it in his jacket,grabbed a gun,then closed his locker,and went into the bathroom.

To make sure no one walked in,he locked the door and took his jacket off then unbuttoned his shirt. He layed his gun down on the floor and grabbed his knife. He then started cutting and cutting.

It had been five minutes until he realized he heard footsteps inside the bathroom where he was. He stopped and heard,"Mr. Wolfe,what are you doing?"

He turned only his head around and saw that it was Horatio. He quickly buttoned his shirt grabbed everything and left,he wasn't going to left his boss take away his pleasure,no sir. Horatio then realized after he left that he forgot his knife on the floor. He went to go pick it up.

So this is what he was doing he thought. What Ryan hadn't planned on was blood soaking through his shirt he put his jacket on and realized that it had blood on it from when he dropped the knife. Oh my gosh,where was the knife.

Just then he heard Horatio say,"is this what you're looking for?" He turned around. Horatio had the knife in his hand and Ryan swallowed. His boss was going to take this pleasure away,then fire him since he brought a weapon to work. They both just stood there,when Horatio noticed Stetler coming around the corner. Oh no thought Ryan,I'm dead.


	4. Chapter 4

Horatio had to think quick. He knew the reason Ryan was cutting,pain. He didn't want him to get into trouble because of that. He wiped the blood off and threw it in the nearest garbage can. Steler was no about to turn the corner then Horatio grabbed Ryan's jacket tossed it in the garbage can and gave him his black jacket.

It was big,but hey,it would have to do. As Ryan finished the last button on it Stetler came in.

"Hello gentlemen,my my Ryan,what a jacket. Horatio,what's going on?"

"Nothing,I was hot,Mr. Wolfe was cold,I lended him my jacket. Not everything is for a reason,"said Horatio looking straight at Stetler.

"I know that,but your team is very suspicious at times,like now,"he said glaring at Ryan then Hortio. "Good day gentlemen." Then he left.

Thanks H for doing that,I know you could've just let me get in trouble,"said Ryan looking at him then the garbage can.

"You can have the jacket,but not the knife. I want the knife. I'm going to be keeping it. This better not happen again. If I catch next time,I'll let you get in trouble,understood,"he asked handing Ryan his jacket and putting the knife in his own jacket when Ryan gave it back to him.

"Yes sir,"he said. He couldn't believe it,Horatio didn't even care,as long as he didn't get caught,he'd be fine.

"Mr. Wolfe,go home,get some rest and be ready tomorrow,you have a big day ahead of you,"said Horatio walking away.

Well,least I'm off for the day. I don't think Horatio wants me here anymore.I'll just use some other knives at home. He went home and immediately started time he worked on his legs.

after an hour he knew he wanted to kill himself. He wrote a note to Horatio that he was no longer going to be working,he'll be the one place everyone wants him...the grave. He decided to leave a voice mail on Horatio's phone so he'll get it in time.

**Time skip 11 at night**

This was the worst day of his life. He just got back from Ryan's and found out he killed himself and discovered all the cuts on his body and another bloody knife by him. The ME said that he cut himself almost to death but then he shot himself. The whole team was feeling so guilty. Tomorrow was the funeral and it would be like he was reliving Speed's funeral. He was not a happy person. He knew he should've listened to the voice mail,wait...voice mail...what. He then woke up and looked at the clock. He must've fallen asleep. Gosh was that a weird dream.

He'll probably show up to work,no worries,so he went back to sleep. At least he hopes he does.


	5. Chapter 5

Horatio was relieved when he saw Ryan at work. See,I've got nothing to worry about he thought to himself even though he didn't completely believe himself. After what he saw yesterday,he doubted himself,but ignored that doubt that could save Ryan's life.

"Your with me,"said Natalia when she saw him in the locker room. Ryan turned his head to see Natalia with a smile on her face.

"Alright,just give me a couple more minutes then we can go,"he said taking of his jacket. He felt more casual,plus,he had a long sleeved shirt on so he thought nothing about it. When Natalia saw him she saw marks on his wrist.

"Ryan,what happened to your wrists,"she asked with concern in her voice and eyes.

"Cat,I tell ya,that's the last time I'm ever rescuing a cat,"he said with a smile.

She knew that was a lie but knew not to press the matter.

She filled him in on the case since he was sent home yesterday. "Seventeen year old male,stabbed to death. Parents have been ruled out. Ryan,he had an addiction,"she said looking at him while he was driving.

"What was it,drugs,achohal,"he said still looking at the road.

"No,it was cutting."

Ryan tried his best to show any change in behavior,but Natalia saw him stiffen when she mentioned it.

"We're here,"he said starting to get out of the Hummer til Natalia grabbed his arm.

"Ryan,you know you can come to me about anything,I don't care if it's three in the morning.I'm here for you,"she said rubbing her hand on his arm.

Oh my gosh did that hurt when she does that he thought but managed a smile.

"I know Natalia,know lets focus on the case,"and he was out the door going to the door. She watched him walk away and noticed he was walking perfectly normal. To bad this isn't normal she thought following his lead.

They went into the boy's room and started looking around for his cutting kit. Ryan knew where it was from personal experience but decided to work his way around a little then he would check the side of the closet.

"Found it,"he said from inside the closet.

"That's great,then we can,"she trailed off when she noticed it was a pocket knife.

"Ryan,you may have just found the murder weapon. The ME said it was most likely to be a pocket knife."

Back at the lab he was in DNA with Natalia and Calleigh.

"Poor kid,I wonder how much pain he was in,"asked Calleigh.

"A lot,"responded Ryan.

Calleigh looked at him and said,"How would you know?Have you ever been in that much pain?"

I have been for the past months he thought. Natalia decided that she better stay out of it.

"Guys,the father killed him,"Natalia announced.

"What,how can that be,he had an alibi,"said Calleigh snatching the paper from her.

"And that alibi was his wife,"Natalia stated.

"I'll have Frank bring him in,then me and you can go interrogate him,"said Calleigh looking at Natalia.

"You know what Calliegh,how 'bout Ryan goes and interrigates him. I mean,he practically solved the case by finding the murder weapon,"said Natalia seeing how sorry for Ryan she felt.

"Fine,you better be there,"she said then left.

Twenty minutes later him and Calleigh were interrogating the father.

"Mr. Harris,we have evidence that you killed your son,"said Ryan putting the file of the knife on the table.

"You wanna know something,I did,"Mr. Harris stated looking into his eyes.

"Why,"asked Calleigh looking at Mr. Harris.

"He was a star athlete,got good grades. Then I found out that he cuts. I want no cutter for a son. People were starting to ask questions. The last straw for me was when a teacher thought we were abusing him,so I went into his room.I knew where he kept his knife,so when he came in I stabbed him til he died."

"Get him out of here,"said Ryan. Both him and Calleigh walked out of the interrogation room and Eric walked up to them.

"Hey,good job on finding the murder weapon Calleigh,he said planting a kiss on the top of her head and they walked out together. At least his shift was over he thought.

He found Natalia in the locker room getting her things when he walked in.

"Hey Ryan,"she said. Ryan couldn't believe it,he was actually saying good by for the last time. This is going to be the last person he saw.

"Hey Natalia,I just wanna say thanks for being such a great friend. I know we had our moments,but I wanna say thank you,for everything,"he said getting everything out of his locker except a note.

"Your welcome Ryan." She had noticed he said had and that made her really nervous.

"Good by Natalia,you were such a good friend,thank you,"he said as he was hugging her and then left. She had a bad feeling about him,he was going to do something.

When he finally reached his house he dropped his things and went to the kitchen for his knife. He took his shirt off and started cutting his arms. On the tenth cut he cut too deep. He got up off the floor and realized he cut his vein.


	6. Chapter 6

Oh yes he thought as he was laying there. Then something hit him. He really didn't want to die. "Oh crap" he said.

He reached for his phone and called Alexx.

"Hello,"she said answering the phone.

"Alexx,help me please. Come over my house,please,I'm dieing,"he said applying pressure to the cut.

"I'm on my way,what happened,"she asked getting her shoes on.

"I cut my vein while I was cutting,"he replied.

"I'll be there in ten. Hold on Ryan,you can do it baby,"said Alexx grabbing her first aid kit and ran out the door. She called Horatio's phone.

"Horatio,this is Alexx,meet me at Ryan's house,now,"she said then she hung up.

"I guess this must be important,"he said to got in his car and drove to Ryan's house.

Alexx arrived in seven minutes. She ran alot of red lights and stop signs. She jumped out of her car and pushed the front door open to find Ryan sitting on the floor and blood all over the place.

"Ryan,sweetie,what happened,"she asked as she opened her first aid kit.

"I cut too deep Alexx. I cut one of my veins,"he said as tears were streaming down his face. Alexx put the cloth down that he had been using to stop the bleeding and realized what he meant.

"Ryan,I need you to be as still as you possibly can,"she said giving him numbing medication and pain. She got the bleeding to stop a little. Then ten minutes later Horatio came in.

He was speechless on what his eyes saw when he got in the house. Ryan was sitting on the floor crying and had cuts all over his body. Alexx was holding a thick towel on his arm,and the blood,all the blood he saw.

Alexx and Ryan just looked at him.

"Someone care to explain what's going on,"he asked still looking at the both of them.

"Horatio,whether you are aware of this or not,Ryan's a cutter and tonight he cut his vein,"said Alexx putting a comforting arm around Ryan.

"Why Ryan,I told you not to do it,"said Horatio moving closer to him.

"You said if you caught me I'd be in trouble."

"I did catch you right now and you are in trouble,"said Horatio with his hands on his hips.

"Horatio listen,don't you punish him. He's already been punished. He has to live with all these scars for the rest of his life. You know as well as I do he was doing out of don't you dare punish him,"said Alexx bringing Ryan into a hug as he began crying more.

"Then what am I supposed to do,"he asked while looking at Ryan's body.

"That is what you have to decide. If I find out your are getting him in trouble,your gonna have bigger trouble with me,understand."

He just nodded and made his way to Ryan and sat down by him.

Before he could say anything,Alexx said,"Alright sweetie,I'm going to have to stitch the vein back up and the soochures will just absorb into your vein so we don't have to take it out,okay. Then I 'm going to stitch the wound on your arm and in about two to three weeks I'll take it out."

Ryan just nodded. Everybody could see the fear and pain in his eyes. Horatio grabbed his hand and held it. Ryan looked over at him and smiled. When Alexx got the needle out and the other things Horatio could see him stiffen.

When Alexx put the needle through his skin,he squeezed Horatio's hand. Horatio took his other free hand and started rubbing the younger man's back. After Alexx was done with his arm she looked at Ryan and he knew that she would want to know why.

He averted his gaze to the floor,anything but Alexx and Horatio. It was silent for a few minutes and they both knew Ryan would crack sooner or later.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done it but it felt so good. All I wanted was to be apart of the team. But instead I am tearing it apart,"said Ryan then he broke down into tears. Alexx and Horatio glanced at each other over Ryan.

Alexx pulled Ryan into her shoulder and he started crying more. "Shh,it's alright now,okay.I'm here,shh,"she said in a comforting voice trying to get him to calm down.

After about ten minutes he calmed down and looked at both of them then to Horatio.

"I'm so sorry for pulling your team apart,"he said then clipped of his badge and gun and set them down on the floor.

"Do you really want to do this,"Horatio asked still looking at him. Ryan shook his head.

"Then why are you?"

"Because you guys deserve a better person. Like Speed,"said Ryan looking up at Horatio.

"We don't want another person,we want you."

All three of them turned around to see who said that. When they did Calleigh,Eric,and Natalia were standing at the door.

"Are you guys sure you want me. I mean,i've been tearing this team apart,"said Ryan looking at the ground.

Eric walked over to him and sat in front of him. He picked up his gun and badge and said,"Trust me,we don't know what we would do without you,"Eric said causing Ryan to look up.

"but you said." He was interrupted by Eric. "I know what I said. I was also frustrated. But we three all decided that whatever the circumstance was for you to keep the casing must've been important cause you would not have done that normally." Then he handed Ryan back his gun and badge.

The two girls walked over and Calleigh said,"Plus,we realized that your human and that we don't need to give you such a hard time about things. And we defiantly shouldn't make you wanna love you."

They all talked for several hours til it was two 'o clock. "Also,Ryan,you will need to go see a counselor. That's protocol. If you want any of us to come with you,you can just ask,okay,"said Horatio putting a hand on his shoulder.

"H,are you gonna put this on my record,"Ryan asked knowing if he did Stetler would be all over this.

"You know I should,but,I'm not gonna punish you for emotional pain. As far as anyone knows who's not apart of this team,you just had some personal issues,"he responded wrapping Ryan in a hug.

The End! I odn't know if I have this right medically,so just go with the flow.


End file.
